youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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