i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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