Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
