the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
