Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just cut my nipple shaving
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
