Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
