Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
