I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
