So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
