look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
