we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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