i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize