well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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