were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
