You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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