I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize