First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
