please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
