My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
