You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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