i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
