dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
