I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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