she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
