When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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