The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
