Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
