If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
