Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
