you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
