Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
accomplished twins. life is a go
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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