someone get that fucking seahorse.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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