your parents love me but you hate me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
