he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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