You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
