i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Bring me that man meat
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
