My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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