So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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