hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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