i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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