I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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