Where did you get a picture of my penis
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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