Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
