I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
