She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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