cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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