well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
