your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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