my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
