Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
4 words: hood of his car
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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