I have demons in me.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
