Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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