Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
