she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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