He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
