Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
