You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
