batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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