I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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