I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize