Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
