I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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