If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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