everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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