I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
