she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
