Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I need moral support for this bender
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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