I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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